The Fires of the Forge

Leadership: Becoming Emotionally Intelligent about Angst

Becoming emotionally intelligent (gaining self knowledge) will always involve two interrelated things: (1) connecting with your inner angst, and (2) finding your wound and healing it. To be human is to be wounded It seems to be part of our journey from hu-man (animal man) to Sons of Man (spiritual beings in hu-man experience). Christ captured the essence of this in, "pick up your cross and follow me."

My wife Sara has a PhD in Counseling Psychology and her specialty is working with children ages 0-5. I mention this for three reasons. First, many of you reading this have children. Second, to be human is to be wounded in some way, and those wounds often come in childhood. Third, Sara has seen some of the most wounded children there are. What she knows about that applies to everyone because we all were children and we are all wounded in some way. The degree and type varies. But the set-up does not. (Sara encourages parents to stand on their own two feet to help their children rather than subrogating their responsibility solely to a therapist in her blog Parents on Their Feet.)

Please read this quotation from her blog, and then let's bring it back to you.

“Continuing from the last blog, the infant or young child has to find a way to deal with not being responded to by adults when they need them… The baby feels better when the mother comes to her aid. The baby then  starts to believe that she is good or worthy because she is treated well. She has a need - hunger and it is met  warmly by the mother - she has value, she is seen. The baby doesn't know this cognitively of course but starts to feel that worthiness based on how she is responded to. ‘I am loved and love-able because I am treated with love’.”

How clear are you on your true motives for action, leader? You see, given that all of us humans have a wound, and given that very few of us have actually "picked up our cross" (meaning work with the form of that wound and allow it to transfigure us), virtually everyone (including you and me) has an elaborate cover-up and compensation all revolving around protecting that open wound, not getting it touched (which sets off pain), and salving over the ever-present, often subtle angst related to the wound.

The net is a harsh reality: many of the actions a leader takes are re-actions unconsciously aimed at increasing their sense of worthiness. Do you see the import this? So now when you read in the scholarly emotional intelligence books that you are not even aware that two out of three decisions you make are not conscious, intelligent responses at all, but are conditioned, habitual, unconscious reactions... well, now you know one of the reasons. And it is affecting your life and business in ways that would (will) astound you.

Here's the net, leader: if you don't actively work with your angst, and your wound, they will drive you and therefore own you. Any true personal development a leader does is always going to bring him or her up against the wound and the inner angst. It is hard, trying, difficult work, but it is also liberating. And you (probably) won't have to lay down on the shrink's couch and recount endless interactions with Mum and Pop to bust a move from that prison.

Now perhaps you see the simple but eloquent power in the assignment I gave my client in the last post. It was intensely practical--consider the full context of your life, rate all the aspects thereof, and begin a series of "next actions" to act on the areas where you are unfulfilled. What I didn't fully disclose, however, is that as soon as he begins to improve his life--addressing that angst--he will be challenged left, right and center. Why?

You see, we cannot create and sustain a life that is inconsistent with what we think and feel about ourselves. It is simply impossible. I cannot tell you why. But you have all the evidence you need. Look at the large numbers of breakthroughs and epiphanies you and others you know have "received". And look at how few of those are sustained (and are sometimes even sabotaged) over time. Therefore, my good friend and client who is working diligently on that assignment can temporarily take his life to the next level. But he will find that if he wishes to sustain his advances and to actually feel the angst release, his personal growth (healing) must be in perfect measure with the shift he's made in his life.

This is something I am grappling with personally, too. We will explore this more in subsequent posts. In the meantime, I hope that what I am writing is helping you see the critical bridge between reading about emotional intelligence / leadership and actually developing yourself as an emotionally intelligent and true leader. The bridge is action. And so few leaders take the action. They think about taking action, and then they do all types of activity. I hope you will take true action, and I hope over the next couple of weeks I can outline some clear, intensely practical action to deal with this situation. If you haven't done the exercise in the prior post, you can start there.

Leadership Exercise: Practically Addressing the Inner Angst

Are you fulfilled in your life and work, leader? In these stressful times it is quite easy to succumb to "working harder" and "staying more focused" and "getting more done." It is so tempting, isn't it? But why, really, are we doing it--pushing... harder... faster... more. Sometimes we just need to s-l-o-w it down. And what better time than when the pressure and anxiety is running high?

I was just talking to a client about how unfulfilled he feels even though he has been enormously successful. As we talked through his feelings, it became clear that regardless of his success, he didn't feel he was unleashing his potential.

This is a particularly common and difficult issue for male leaders. At some level all leaders--male and female alike--feel that if they don't fulfill their own personal potential, then they let everyone around them down. Often it is a very unconscious feeling, but it is there. And for reasons related to gender which I won't go in to here, for males that feeling is particularly crushing as they stray farther and farther away from true north.

As you know, I try to focus on the practical development of self-knowledge (emotional intelligence), and thus am always looking for the next action. So what I encouraged my client to do was to look at where his angst was actually coming from. I have developed a propriety wheel I use to depict the 12 aspects of life. I am hereby granting you a limited license to use it one time.

Here's how the life wheel works. Draw a circle, mark it off like a clock and connect the center of the wheel to the hour marks with straight lines. You should have a wheel with 12 spokes. Write the labels (see below) by the hour positions.

Rate your self on each of the 12 aspects of life, the spokes. A "10" means you are cooking with real gas--couldn't be better. A "5" is very middle of road--you've got lots of room for improvement but at least that area is still showing signs of pulse and respiration (albeit perhaps labored). A "1" is that area is flat-lined. No heart beat or pulse. Loads of opportunity there.

If you want to get fancy, on each spoke make 9 tick marks between the center of the wheel and the rim. A "10" hits the outer edge of the wheel, a "9" is one tick in, etc. Mark your score on those ticks on each spoke. Then, connect the dots. See what you've got. A little radar-gram. Look at it. What strikes you?

Now, here's what to do. You could do a lot of soul searching about what the angst in each area is, and what goal you could strive for to resolve it. Do that if you wish. But here is a faster way to move the needle.

No matter the score, for each of the 12 life aspects, simply ask yourself the David Allen question: "What's the very next action?" In other words, what's the very next action you need to take in each of those 12 areas to improve your fulfillment. Then, choose which of those next actions, if any, you are committed to do. Then do them.

Each week review the wheel and the next actions again, picking whichever next actions you'd like to take that week. Each month or quarter, rescore. Each week, just keep asking, "What's the next action?" And then do.

It isn't fancy, but just watch what happens over time. Just like your money compounds over time when you put a little bit more in the account each week. so will your fulfillment compound with a little action invested each week.

Your true needs just may surprise you. The areas you naturally focus on or obsess about may not be the problem. The inner angst may be relieved by acting in areas that have long ago atrophied, and have long been forgotten. You know, like that absurd notion you once had to learn to play guitar?

Please pass this along to anyone you feel might need a little breather and retrospection time. Drop by your favorite little local coffee shop early on Friday morning about 45 minutes earlier than you usually do. Sit down, and do the exercise. It may be the best cup of joe you ever had.

The Labels for the Clock

12 o'clock Career
11 o'clock Financial Security
1 o'clock Living and Working Environment

That is your outermost world.

6 o'clock Spiritual Connection
5 o'clock Belief in Self
7 o'clock Sense of Purpose

That is your innermost world.

4 o'clock Sharpen the Saw (taking care of your self)
8 o'clock Physical Health and Conditioning

That is the way you connect your innermost world to the world out there. So take good care of it.

3 o'clock Relationship with Spouse or Partner
9 o'clock is Relationship with My Children

These are your closest relationships, the ones you are most responsible for as an adult.

2 o'clock Family of Origin (your Dad, Mom, siblings and relatives, including Aunt Minnie)
10 o'clock Friends & Coworkers

These are important relationships, but are often not quite as key as Spouse & Children.

So, there you have it, the full wheel deal. Enjoy.

 

Leadership Perspective: How to Help Your People in These Times

How are your people handling these stressful times? And how are you helping them? A CNN news poll just reported that 66% of Americans are scared and 75% are angry and stressed out. Here's the article. CNN Poll: Americans angry, worried over state of the nation.

Just before this poll, I traveled to upstate New York to visit a client, Tom, and his management team. Tom and his team run a top-notch organization and have their sights on some exciting growth and expansion.

During my trip from Santa Fe to his location, I was very surprised how rude and angry people were being to one another. At one gate the way the airline's personnel were treating one another was shocking. Tension and terseness between passengers was evident and amplified. What is going on?

Tom said to his team, "We have two hours with Otis. Given where you know we are taking our company, what would you like to talk with him about?"

We had a very engaging conversation, and it wouldn't be appropriate to cover it here. But part of what came out of that surprised me and is appropriate to share. Two of the managers were very open--heartfelt, actually--about their concerns about where this great country of ours is headed and the impact that would have on their company, and them. I cannot verbalize to you the way that affected me.

We are in to the unknown and our people (and family and friends) need us in ways we are probably numb to.

So what can you do to help your people?

1. Look for signs: When you see people acting out of character, rather than dismissing the behavior or whacking them, sit down for a minute or two with them. Connect. Take 10 extra minutes and find out what is on their mind. Then, respond to them. Two out of three people you are working with are scared, my friend. When people are scared, they do stupid, hurtful things. Help them.

2. Find your center and keep it: If you are amped up, your people will be, too. If you have drifted away from your prayer, meditation, quiet time, spiritual reading, etc., get back to it. Now. And, more importantly, take that centeredness with you through the day. Slow things down a little bit.

Do you remember the mood after 9/11? Can you feel that again? Feel it now. Treat everyone like you treated them when you were feeling that feeling after 9/11, where people were more real, more authentic, more caring, more slow, more dialed in to what truly matters. Do we actually require a disaster to trigger, well, warmth? Give it proactively.

3. Prepare your self internally: Louis Pasteur said, "Chance favors the prepared mind." The funny thing about that is the rational mind is inherently fearful when it is uncontained by the heart. So your mind cannot possible be prepared if your heart isn't. Further, your rational mind is practically useless when it comes to navigating the unknown. You have to feel your way through the unknown and feeling is about being open-hearted.

So here is the drill. Most everyone around you--given that they are angry and fearful--are trapped in their minds. Do not join them there. Stay attuned to what you are feeling, good or bad. Acknowledge it and accept it. Keep your heart open. One of the best ways to do that is to truly listen with every fiber of your being and noticing all the little details of life all around you. By keeping your heart open, not only do you help calm and steady others, but your intuition will help you find your way through these times.

4. Don't buy in to the fear: There are people in high places right now that are having their way with us. It is very easy to manipulate an entire people when you can whip up enough fear in them. We are there. I am not saying you should be a Pollyanna. I am saying see it straight, yes. But also know that there is a tremendous amount of manipulation going on right now. Do not join your people, your friends and family in being caught up in that. If you do not succumb to the fear-mongering, you provide a steady light for your people to find their way out of the fear, too.

5. Provide a sense of context: When people are fearful and angry you can pretty much count on two things. First, they will blame. Second, they will freeze. Clarity overcomes fear. So, for clarity, ask very powerful questions.

Do you suppose others like us have been through unprecedented times before? How'd they get through? Do you suppose that we all have contributed to this situation? If not, will blame get us anywhere? If so, how have we contributed?

Do you suppose that if we stopped doing those things, you and I, that perhaps that would help?

Are you feeling you should do something to prepare yourself and your family that you haven't done? What is that? Can you do that with the motive of simply being more responsible for your self--like the founders of this country were--rather than doing it out of fear? What is the next action you could take to feel more secure?

What good might come from this crisis? Based on your spiritual beliefs, what good might come of it?

Etc.

6. Prepare your self externally: What do you feel you should be doing, if anything, to best prepare your self and your family to be more self-sufficient? List them on a sheet of paper. Do those things. What, if anything, do you need to do to have you and your family live in a more balanced way? List those things. Do those things. When you take the actions you feel you should take (as long as you are not acting out of fear), you gain power. If you don't act, you may end up with a case of the regrets like you've never experienced before.

7. Keep pushing your self open more and more widely: When leaders feel under seige, they contract and strap on armour. That is a survival response ages old--when we are physically attacked, our muscles harden like armour to protect us, and we contract into the lowest profile possible to present as small a target as we can.

Even though we are not under physical attack now, we do the same thing. When leaders contract, they become increasingly guarded. Their thoughts and actions become increasingly separative. Leaders with low emotional intelligence place armour over their vulnerability.

Emotionally intelligent leaders know their strength lies in their vulnerability. When leaders with high emotional intelligence are under stress, they expand, becoming ever more inclusive and sensitive to all of life around them. They are fearless, because the heart is fearless. Push open your warrior-heart, and envelop all of life around you...

You are more powerful than you can possibly know. Find that power, and help your people, your family, your community and your country. Do it now. And watch the impact you have on all of life around you.

That is leadership.

 

Leadership Perspective: Nothing Can Grow Forever

I was reading Michael McKinney's blog Leadership Now today and his post Nothing Can Grow Forever. He summarized there some of Peter Drucker's writings from the 1980's along the same lines--that things expand, sometimes for decades, then they contract. Part of the reason nothing can grow forever is that continual exponential growth is simply unsustainable--it takes more and more to keep up the same percentage increase.

I was with Automatic Data Processing for some 12 fantastic years. During the first ten of those years, ADP was a "ruler stock". It sold at a 28x earnings multiple (a premium for the industry) because ADP had more than 140 quarters of year over year double-digit earnings per share growth. A Wall Street analyst's darling.

Eight years in to my 12 years there, the whispers began about the potential end of that run. Purely from a statistical standpoint it was becoming increasingly probable that the exponential growth could not be sustained because growth on top of compounding growth becomes, well, huge. Fear mounted. Empowerment of its executives--its hallmark--submitted to micro-control. It happened. The string ended.

The net is, we are obsessed by growth. Nothing has value unless it is growing, right?

I attended a presentation on the unsustainability of growth by Dr. Albert Bartlett, Professor Emeritus of Physics at the University of Colorado on growth. This charismatic man's presentation was amazing. He's made this presentation to Congress. It should be a must-see in CEO circles, boardrooms and business schools. The core of his message is dead simple: anything that grows continuously is harmful, that we are obsessed with growth, and we do not understand the implications of it. In his own more scholarly words, "THE GREATEST SHORTCOMING OF THE HUMAN RACE IS OUR INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THE EXPONENTIAL FUNCTION."

Listen. Part of leadership is seeing things differently than other people see them. You have very likely bought into a notion that growth is good and contraction is bad. In fact, you have bought into a notion that what we should strive for is continual growth. I am not asking you to change that perception. But I am challenging you to see growth from a different perspective. How?

Well, one way is to watch Dr. Bartlett's presentation. I just did a little research for you and the CU Bookstore sells a DVD of his presentation for a whopping 12 bucks (plus $10 shipping). You can get it by clicking here: Sustainability 101: Arithmetic, Population and Energy. I cannot vouch for the quality of the DVD, but I can vouch for this man's message. It is strong. And anyone who uses examples such as the price of Vail lift tickets to explain the exponential function is my hero.

I just ordered my copy.  And you?

Working with Perception #7: The End

“The mundane is not a substitute for the sublime. It is just a secret passageway to it.” David Allen

“One always has time enough, if one will apply it well.” Goethe

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” Brendan Francis

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The mundane is a gateway to the sublime. We have enough time. Fears are paper-thin. In this last post in this series, these last three quotations sum up my journey.

I remember when I first started working with my mentor, The Warrior, I was obsessed with “finding out my purpose.” To the point he jokingly nicknamed me “the porpoise.”  I was so busy pursuing the fantastic life of a warrior that I wasn’t taking care of the mundane.

For example, I wasn’t watching my money. I had all kinds of reasons. Second, I was not taking care in my relationships. Third, I had no real plan for my business. In warrior-speak, taking care of the mundane is called “impeccably peeling the potatoes.” I wasn’t.

Now, as I take each step to clean up the mundane aspects of my life, I am finding the warrior. Developing the discipline to effectively deal with the mundane truly is a gateway to the sublime. Reading David Allen’s book Ready for Anything (see "What I Am Reading" to the right) now is just underscoring that insight.

What about Goethe’s quotation above on time? I see that so much about time is about emotion. As I develop control of my emotions, time takes on a different quality. With each step I have taken in working with my emotion, I have taken another step in my relationship with time. I do have time enough, and I won’t create more time by hurrying. Such a hard lesson.

And what of Brendan Francis’ quotation on courage above? Probably the single greatest lesson I have learned is that my greatest fears are paper thin, and yet they repel me like a brick wall.

The essence of leadership is much like warriorship. One of the essences of warriorship is living one’s entire life as a not-doing. What does that mean? Not-doing is consistently taking action that is not consistent with your prior actions. That continually throws the warrior up against him or herself. And, over time, a sword is drawn, an intent harnessed, that rends those paper-thin fears. And the warrior begins to move from strength to strength. The warrior picks up what is called speed.

So what does it all boil down to, this experience of mine? I will put it two ways:

My life experience and my results are constrained by my perception in ways I could have not possibly understood: I know now how to work with my perception, and set myself free. I cannot tell you the heart, the adventure, the meaning and therefore the sense of purpose that has brought into my life and my work.

Know my self (perception): Do my best (action).

If I do both simultaneously I develop more and more self warmth and self acceptance. Then, I can give my warmth and acceptance freely.

Call it unconditional love, if you will. It is the most powerful force in the universe, and every true leader, every true warrior, knows that and uses it to uplift all of life around them.

Phew. It has been a long seven posts, I know. Now, I will take this blog in a new direction. I hope you enjoy it.

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This is the last post of a series that was a follow-up to the October 7th post Leadership, Perception and Emotional Intelligence and concludes a process of looking at the connection between perception and the ability to break through the next level of leadership. During this exploration, I shared a part of my own story through quotations...

Leadership Perspective: The New Civil War

I am taking some time this sabbath to look at other leadership blogs (which are not as easy to find as I thought) and came across Unfolding Leadership by Dan Oestreich.  I enjoyed his message from his post, Our Civil War, describing his reflections on these times. Dan, like me, works with leaders and emphasizes self-knowledge as the greatest skill a leader can possess.

As Dan described his reflections on these times as he walked through a rainforest in Washington State, his words reminded me that neither pole--not the Republicans nor the Democrats--have the answer. The anger that we have seen coming up is nothing more than an identification with a given pole. With that identification comes concretization. The two-party, two-pole system has gotten us here. But what got us here won't get us to where we need to go.

I find solace in knowing that, at the end of the day, the government and everything else is nothing but a reflection of the people--remember, "a government for the people and by the people?" If government is out of control and imbalanced, who can we look to but ourselves? I find solace in the fact that when enough leaders--and who is not a leader--reclaim their power, that we will all begin walking towards a common ground, a new ground, a higher ground.

It really isn't any more complex than each of us inventorying how we give our power away, and how we contribute to all the imbalances around us, and, step-by-step doing the work. The smallest of acts is significant.

For example, when I traveled last week, a carried my own bar of soap, shampoo and conditioner. I left the hotel's supplies totally untouched, moving my small bar of soap from tub to sink and back as needed. It was one small act, and yet is was a choice, a mindful act, a disciplined act. 

Each week, I will find and take more actions like that. And my hope is that my unconscious reactions to this world situation become more like intelligent responses, and that the fear I get caught up in becomes increasingly like unconditional love in action--speaking the truth fearlessly, supporting unconditionally and caring enough to act courageousely. That is how this country started, and I believe that is the crux of how it will either evolve and thrive, or will have served its purpose and its time.

Unfolding Leadership blog

Working with Perception #6: Claiming Your Power

“Resistance to the organized mass can be effected only by the man who is as well organized in his individuality as the mass itself.” Carl Jung

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Mahatmas Ghandi

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So far in this series I have been sharing with you through quotations what I have learned about perception--how I got caught up in mine, cratered my career, and then began to work with my perception. Working with my perception opened me up to a whole world I didn't know existed. Further, I began to see how virtually all leaders are constrained by their perception, and don't even know it.

Since virtually everyone is caught in up selective perception and has so thoroughly bought in to social conditioning, everyone is basically dreaming the same dream. The power and the commonality of everyone's perception makes it easy for those who wish to manipulate us... whether it is a boss, a peer, a subordinate, spouse, religious leader, politician or anyone else.

Thus, selective perception and social conditioning are basically the bane of our existence with a two-fold impact. One is that we never release our potential and cannot find fulfillment--with a strong adverse affect on our relationships, results and profits. The second is that we are easily manipulated and misled. And, all the while, we have the belief that we are free.

In these two quotes above, you begin to see something very powerful.

What I learned is that with every little bit that I saw how my perception and social conditioning were constraining me, many things began to happen. Two of those things relevant to these quotations are that I began to gain personal power, and I began to see through other people. You see, we are all manipulating others. The question is, whether the motive is "pure" or not. And when you map out your own manipulations, it becomes much easier to detect when others are doing it to you.

Thus, I began to understand what Carl Jung is saying in a different way. And that quotation is very relevant to these times. CNN reporter Glenn Beck has, in the mainstream media, laid out how we have given more and more power away to the government. The links are at the end of this post. Over time, in exchange for the guarantee of safety, prosperity and comfort we have given more and more power away to government (and religion, and work, and...).

So when government wants more power, all that has to happen is for an event to occur in which it can conjure more fear. Then, appearing to be "helping" us and "protecting" us, we hand over more power because now it is more difficult for them to "guarantee our safety." And we end up with the Patriot Act. But, the truth is, and we all know it, is that we cannot escape the consequences of our actions. Printing money isn't going to fix the financial situation. Locking down borders and frisking every citizen who passes through the security chutes at the airport is not going to keep us safe from people who hate us.

But at the end of the day, the government is not to blame. We are. The government is no more than a reflection of the people. The government has not more power than the people give it. And there is nothing we can really do about it unless we are at least as organized in our individuality as the mass is. What does that mean? We individually must possess a level of sobriety (clarity of perception) and personal power (self knowledge) that has sufficient power to match the opposite extreme of the insanity of the perception of the common man comprising the mass and those who are capitalizing on that common perception.

That's where Ghandi's quotation comes in. The only way out is through. The only thing you need to do is to reclaim what you have given away. If enough of us do that, if we take our power back, then those who have been using our power against us are deprived of the power they use to oppress us. So, literally and figuratively, the only thing any of us has to do is to be the change we want to see in the world, and to do it no matter the consequences.

That is what our founding fathers did, no? We have drifted very far from freedom, my friend. You are a leader. Lead yourself out of the prison of your own making. Then, after waking up in this crazy dream,  reach back, and give those around you a hand.

Tomorrow I will tie this theme to what I saw this week in my travels, and talk about what we need to do as leaders in these changing and challenging times to be of service to those around us.

CNN Glenn Beck: More Trouble Ahead, Five Steps to Deal with It

CNN Glenn Beck: America's Chilling Future

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This is a follow-up to the October 7th post Leadership, Perception and Emotional Intelligence and is a continuation of looking at the connection between perception and the ability to break through the next level of leadership. During this exploration, I share a part of my own story through quotations...

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Working with Perception #5: The Dream Part II

This post is a continuation of the prior post...

"All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream."

But, again, why?

Through our limited perception that this five senses level of reality is “it”, we have lost all context as to what life actually is. In fact, we think it is actually possible to lose our life. As in, “that will cost you your life.” Not so. You cannot lose your life. You can lose the use of your body, yes. So, someone could say, “That will cost you the use of your body.” And that is a big deal. But no one has the power to take your life, not even you. You can be The Programmer of your code, you can be The Magician that is capable of doing what Christ was able to do (‘all of this I have done you can do and more’). But you are not, and will never be, The Architect.

How’s that for being clear about what’s in and what’s out of your job description?

Wondering what your life purpose is? Simple. It is to become The Programmer and The Magician. How you do that doesn't matter. Do it. Now, preferably.

So are you going to co-operate with that JD or will you insist on continuing to resist it?

Here’s the kicker (or pisser). Having lost that context of what life is and our JD within life—most of our action is simply folly. It is folly because it is a reaction to a frame of reference that isn’t even real. We are fighting for stakes that are not real, and fighting for meaning which isn’t real.

Besides that, well, bull’s eye. Right on the mark, mate. Go ahead, fire away.

I have to chuckle at myself from time to time. I can imagine my soul looking at me, when I have got myself all wrapped around my own axle defending my fragile little sense of self from some onslaught from another carbon-based unit, thinking it all really matters—that it is a matter of life and death, yessiree. And my soul thinking, “Otis has totally lost it. E.T., please phone home.” But I don’t phone home, I take flail about re-enacting old BS that makes my soul cringe, and my soul up there is shaking its head thinking that I am a spiritual epileptic having a spiritual seizure.

Trouble is, in that moment, I am that. But I am capable of much, much more than that.

Sound familiar to you?

Making It Practical:

1. So what are you making a big deal about, as if it is a matter of dying if you do it or don't do it?
2. Can you see how much your mind is making it good or bad, but that the situation itself is neither?

See if you can disassociate your mind labeling the situation from the situation itself. In that gap, you will begin working with your own perception. And the moment you begin working with it, you start freeing yourself from the ghost in the machine. You start waking up in the dream. You start Programming. You pull the rabbit out of the hat. And, fearless leader, it is only then that you can actually exert any control over the dream.

You cannot wake up from the dream. You'd die. But you can wake up in the dream, cooperate with it and exert control over it. And since that is all you can do, and all you need to do, will you do it? P.S. It's in your JD!

Working with Perception #5: The Dream

“All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream.” Edgar Allen Poe

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What I have found is that being human really all comes down to this. We have an ego. It thinks that the world of form—that this physical plane, five senses world—is IT. We see ourselves as separate from everything else. Believing that we are thus form and separate from everything else, we sense that we have been severed from God and thus have little value. And, to some degree or another, we have this deep fear that we are going to fail, that failure will cause us to become exiled from our tribe, and that we will wander around in the wilderness, hungry, starving and will die in extreme pain, agony and regret.

Something to look forward to, right?

In our worst of times, that is pretty much the operating system (OS) that drives our so-called decisions. Is it any wonder we throw things out of balance so consistently by our wrong actions, inaction, etc.? Is it any wonder we hurt people? Is it any wonder that leaders make fatal mistakes? It’s all fear-based. In the truest sense of the word, it is in-sane. Our perception is insane.

That is the madness of the dream in which we live, in which virtually all of humanity lives. That is the madness of the rational mind when we do not know how to work with our mind. It runs the show, and it thinks all these things. And that, dear leader, is precisely the underpinnings of your perception, and therefore your decision-making process. Not all the time of course. But almost always in the most emotional times, when the stakes are high and the game is on the line.

Now, can you see why I have been telling you that you simply must gain control of your own perception if you are going to lead into this new era we face?

Leaders don’t know how to reprogram their OS. Even Stephen Covey says it, that for all that has been written about emotional intelligence, there is very little that has been written about how to actually develop it. So what do leaders do? They load all kinds of software (books, training, leadership techniques, education, religion, social conditioning, “values”, etc.) on top of that operating system to try to cover up that underlying glitch in their OS. To one degree or another, it mostly works. But, alas, we all know there is something wrong. There’s a ghost in the machine and an underlying angst to our actions. And it will never, ever, fully work to mitigate it by laying more software on top of that flawed OS. We cannot work around that flaw in the underlying operating system.

We have to reprogram our OS. We have to wrest power away from our code and put it back in the hands of the Programmer.

That is called developing emotional intelligence, self-knowledge, or whatever you wish to call it.

So there you have it. All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream. And for most of us, at least occasionally, it is a bad dream. Some might say, a nightmare even.

But, alas, that is only because we do not see the full context of life in the moments that matter most, and thus are working with a flawed perception.

Here's my key point here. I don't care whether you believe the above intellectually. Your intellectual understanding of the above is nothing more than a belief. That, and a buck seventy-five American will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks (which is nowhere as good as it used to be but don't get me going on that).

You won't understand this, really, until it is experiential. Until you are right slap dab in the middle of taking an action (reaction, more likely) based on that flawed OS, and in the moment you are acting, you literally snatch that reaction out of thin air and replace it with a real action so quickly that you will swear magic just happened. And you are left wondering, who is the Magician?

This, then, is knowledge. It is experiential. It is not intellectual. It is self knowledge, and self knowledge is power. Precisely the kind of power you should hunt for.

More on that, tomorrow.

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This is a follow-up to the October 7th post Leadership, Perception and Emotional Intelligence and is a continuation of looking at the connection between perception and the ability to break through the next level of leadership. During this exploration, I share a part of my own story through quotations...