Are you fulfilled in your life and work, leader? In these stressful times it is quite easy to succumb to "working harder" and "staying more focused" and "getting more done." It is so tempting, isn't it? But why, really, are we doing it--pushing... harder... faster... more. Sometimes we just need to s-l-o-w it down. And what better time than when the pressure and anxiety is running high?
I was just talking to a client about how unfulfilled he feels even though he has been enormously successful. As we talked through his feelings, it became clear that regardless of his success, he didn't feel he was unleashing his potential.
This is a particularly common and difficult issue for male leaders. At some level all leaders--male and female alike--feel that if they don't fulfill their own personal potential, then they let everyone around them down. Often it is a very unconscious feeling, but it is there. And for reasons related to gender which I won't go in to here, for males that feeling is particularly crushing as they stray farther and farther away from true north.
As you know, I try to focus on the practical development of self-knowledge (emotional intelligence), and thus am always looking for the next action. So what I encouraged my client to do was to look at where his angst was actually coming from. I have developed a propriety wheel I use to depict the 12 aspects of life. I am hereby granting you a limited license to use it one time.
Here's how the life wheel works. Draw a circle, mark it off like a clock and connect the center of the wheel to the hour marks with straight lines. You should have a wheel with 12 spokes. Write the labels (see below) by the hour positions.
Rate your self on each of the 12 aspects of life, the spokes. A "10" means you are cooking with real gas--couldn't be better. A "5" is very middle of road--you've got lots of room for improvement but at least that area is still showing signs of pulse and respiration (albeit perhaps labored). A "1" is that area is flat-lined. No heart beat or pulse. Loads of opportunity there.
If you want to get fancy, on each spoke make 9 tick marks between the center of the wheel and the rim. A "10" hits the outer edge of the wheel, a "9" is one tick in, etc. Mark your score on those ticks on each spoke. Then, connect the dots. See what you've got. A little radar-gram. Look at it. What strikes you?
Now, here's what to do. You could do a lot of soul searching about what the angst in each area is, and what goal you could strive for to resolve it. Do that if you wish. But here is a faster way to move the needle.
No matter the score, for each of the 12 life aspects, simply ask yourself the David Allen question: "What's the very next action?" In other words, what's the very next action you need to take in each of those 12 areas to improve your fulfillment. Then, choose which of those next actions, if any, you are committed to do. Then do them.
Each week review the wheel and the next actions again, picking whichever next actions you'd like to take that week. Each month or quarter, rescore. Each week, just keep asking, "What's the next action?" And then do.
It isn't fancy, but just watch what happens over time. Just like your money compounds over time when you put a little bit more in the account each week. so will your fulfillment compound with a little action invested each week.
Your true needs just may surprise you. The areas you naturally focus on or obsess about may not be the problem. The inner angst may be relieved by acting in areas that have long ago atrophied, and have long been forgotten. You know, like that absurd notion you once had to learn to play guitar?
Please pass this along to anyone you feel might need a little breather and retrospection time. Drop by your favorite little local coffee shop early on Friday morning about 45 minutes earlier than you usually do. Sit down, and do the exercise. It may be the best cup of joe you ever had.
The Labels for the Clock
12 o'clock Career
11 o'clock Financial Security
1 o'clock Living and Working Environment
That is your outermost world.
6 o'clock Spiritual Connection
5 o'clock Belief in Self
7 o'clock Sense of Purpose
That is your innermost world.
4 o'clock Sharpen the Saw (taking care of your self)
8 o'clock Physical Health and Conditioning
That is the way you connect your innermost world to the world out there. So take good care of it.
3 o'clock Relationship with Spouse or Partner
9 o'clock is Relationship with My Children
These are your closest relationships, the ones you are most responsible for as an adult.
2 o'clock Family of Origin (your Dad, Mom, siblings and relatives, including Aunt Minnie)
10 o'clock Friends & Coworkers
These are important relationships, but are often not quite as key as Spouse & Children.
So, there you have it, the full wheel deal. Enjoy.
