The Fires of the Forge

Book Recommendation and the Art of Perception

I have clients ask me from time to time for book recommendations. I received a recent inquiry from a very remarkable, up and coming leader I'll call Jane. Jane is a VP with COO aspirations, and she could well achieve that goal through developing her leadership. 

We just took her through a thorough review of her personality style assessments (DISC, Values and Personal Talent Skills Inventory) helping her "mine" for her highest-leverage development areas. She took to it like a fish to water and was very open and non-defensive. Most executives seem to want to use such a review to reinforce what they already believe to be true. Not Jane. She was more like a lioness on a hunt.

At the culmination of her assessment review, she asked for a book recommendation based on what we'd seen in her assessments. Jane's assessments showed her skills were already very highly developed. Therefore, my response to her was not a specific leadership skill development recommendation: my recommendation was a foundational one.

I am posting my response to Jane here, because the recommendation applies to all leaders. And my response to her was not just a book recommendation, but also a cursory explanation of why learning to work with our our perception is essential if we are to enter the fires of the leadership forge. I hope you find the explanation useful, and that you consider the reading the recommended book. The timing is great as we enter the new year.

Dear Jane,

As Einstein said, 'we can't solve problems at the same level of thinking we used in creating them.' What does that mean, and how does it apply to you and this wonderful question you have about what book to read based on the information we see in your assessments?

First, no matter what dimension of leadership you want to shift, a shift in perception will be required if you are to sustain the change. A lot of leaders don't get this: they don't understand why the just can't change a behavior, an approach or add a skill and get the effect they desire. That is logical, right? Yes. And no. It is logical, but the source of our doings is not logical, logic or the mind. For that reason, changing the "doing" without changing the underlying source is temporary at best.

What is the source our doing? Who knows? Who can know? But there is a linkage you can work with between the source of your doing and the doing itself. That is your perception. And while we cannot know how perception operates, we can learn to work with it. The advantage to that is that whatever change we want to make in our leadership, it is supported by learning to actively work with our own perception. 

For the reasons I outline above, the greatest power you can have is the power to shift your own perception. When you do that, four things happen. 

One, you begin to see that life is not what it appears to be. 

Two, you see that your own beliefs are assembling your current reality (including the things you want to "fix" or "improve"). 

Three, you see that there are aspects of life that you have not been aware of and are therefore handicapped.

Four, you begin to see that working with your perception has the power to change anything in very specific, tangible and practical ways.

That is a more direct, cut to the chase version of what some of the well-known business writers are saying when they, in each their own way, say, "If you want to change the world around you, change your self--it's an inside-out job." They say that, but they skirt around (or don't understand) why. Well, there you have it. My belief is your capacity as a leader and your ability to learn new approaches and apply new tools are all predicated on your capacity to learn to shift your own perception. 

There are a number of tools you can use to begin to master the art of perception. And there are some good books as well. Most of them are incomplete, most take too long to get to the point, and most do not make the information very actionable. One day I'd like to write a book about that, as there clearly is a needed book on the subject, written for business people. 

In the meantime, a good book available now on the subject is a recent book called Immunity to Change by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey. It is on my list of books I recommend because learning to work with perception is foundational for everything else.

Thanks for the question. If there is some specific aspect of your leadership you want to shift, I'd be glad to point you toward a specific book for that purpose. But based on what I know about leadership, where I feel you are, and where the organization you are proud to be a part of is at, I'd start with this book.

Best,

Otis

Emotional Intelligence and Leadership

A leader asked me the other day, what is emotional intelligence? Can you point me to an article that does a good job describing what it is? You know, like an executive summary?

I was caught a bit short, because the answer was "no." I've read lots of articles about emotional intelligence, but all were more academic than anything. None I'd recommend as an executive orientation to emotional intelligence, what it is, why an executive should care about it, and, most importantly, how to develop it.

What did I do? What any self-respecting consultant would do. I went to Wikipedia and looked up "emotional intelligence." Great write-up summarizing all the bally-hoo about it. But still nothing I could recommend to this leader.

Bummer. Now what to do? As I was wondering that, I came across a quotation. I am sorry that I cannot cite the exact author, but the author was an author, and it goes something like this. "If you have ever really wanted to read a book, and it has not been written, write it."

It won't be a book, but because I do need to answer Gary's question, I will do a series here to explore that subject. If you have something to add to the exploration, please let me know. And if you've ever seen a really good article on emotional intelligence, what it is, why you should care, and how to develop it, send it on. I'd love to be spared the effort of writing it. :)

Leadership and Breaking the Grip of the Inner Angst

This is the last in the current series on the inner angst. We’ve talked about what it is, and we’ve talked about how it can lead to abuse of (or placing a lid on) power.

What can you do about the inner angst? You cannot work directly with the wound nor the shortcoming that arises from it. The way to work with it is indirect but intensely pragmatic: interrupt the behaviors that stem from it.

Which behaviors come from your inner angst? That’s easy. Every single counterproductive behavior that you do! And you know those, don’t you?

If you and I were sitting where we could see the whites of one another’s eyes, and I asked you what your single most counterproductive behavior is, what would you say? Let’s start there. It doesn’t matter that you even get it “right” so long as you will earnestly start working from there.

Then what? First, define a recurring situation where it happens fairly consistently. Second, define a replacement behavior. Third, over and over again, catch yourself about to do the old behavior and instead do the new behavior.

What happens? What will happen over time is that you will gain control. And speed. You will notice that feeling a particular way inside (say, hopping mad) doesn’t mean you must respond in your old, predictable way externally (like cutting the other person off from your attention for a week or so). That sounds so simple that your mind can grasp neither the significance nor the raw power of that act of self-mastery. But then your mind does not want to grasp it, because right now your mind has you.

Over time you will begin to see something that will totally startle you. Instead of reading the emotional intelligence information that tells you 66% of your decisions are nothing more than unconscious, habitual reactions that range between ineffective and highly destructive, you will know it to be true based on your own personal experience.

But what happens to the inner angst? The wound is still there, but it heals. How? I don’t know. I haven’t completed that process myself. I can only give you what I believe to be true based on the direction my own healing seems to be heading. It is as simple as this.

When you react from your inner angst, you trigger more pain. That pain comes back to you (directly or indirectly) and reenters the wound.

What you stop reacting from the inner angst, two things happen.

One is that you stop feeding the wound and pricking it open again and again. That is a big start.

The second thing that happens is that as your actions become more impeccable, you feel better about your self. As you feel better about your self, your edges soften, your heart opens a little, and love comes in. And love is the ultimate healer, just as the sun is the ultimate disinfectant.

Try it. You need no proof when you can become the proof.

Leadership, the Inner Angst and Abuse of Power

In my prior post I said that this week we'd discuss two things: (1) the inner angst and (2) how it correlates to the abuse of power. To do that, let's look at the abuse of power situation first.

The old form of leadership is dying, that form being leadership based on the Machiavellian model. Somewhere between that and a "benevolent dictatorship." The new form of leadership will not involve positional power--it will be about true teamwork, true collaboration, drawing group intelligence out of a group of people, and inclusiveness. In short, you could call this social intelligence--it is emotional intelligence applied in a group (social) dynamic.

The first key point here is that as a leader, it takes a tremendous amount of personal emotional intelligence to draw the social intelligence out of a group. You won't draw social intelligence out of a group by using the old positional power model. Therefore, if you don't develop the self knowledge (emotional intelligence) required to do that, you will no longer be relevant. You'll find yourself "S-curved."

The second key point is understanding how the ascent of power gets set up (and why leaders hit the lid, or worse, fall like Icarus). Typically, we first develop a personality type at an early age (nature + nurture) that results in an aggressive, action-oriented personality. Then, the inner angst (unconsciously) kicks in, and we feel like if we just accomplish and achieve enough, then we'll be satiated.

Now that we have the persona and the stirring, all we need is a venue. Aha! We notice a business need (a goal) and it dawns on us. This group around us is made up of people, and people want to be a part of something that matters, something significant.  We get that group moving towards a relevant goal and get 'er done. The rest, as they say is history. A leader is born.

That first act there (of getting the people doing something that holds value for them) is an act of social intelligence. We become popular with these good people and with the boss. We get promoted. More money. More notoriety. More power.

But what of that unresolved angst, that unaddressed flaw? Studies show the more power you flow through a flawed personal system, the more likely that system is to break. As Lord Acton said, "Absolute power corrupts absolutely."

The net is that what initiated the trip won't keep you there. As you gain more power, your development of your personal self-knowledge (read, self mastery) and your social intelligence must keep pace. If it doesn't, you will either find yourself hitting the lid (nature's way of preventing you from doing any more harm) or you will fly too close to the sun and fall to the earth (to force you to learn). I did the latter. That hurt.

Now you should see the interaction of the inner angst and the abuse of power. The inner angst caused the initial stirring, and sends you down the path of leadership. The initial social intelligence that you conjured enabled you to rally others to your cause and get results through people.

But as you rise through the ranks you are hit by a double-whammy--you tend to become less socially intelligent PLUS you have more power being wielded through a conduit (you) that has a fracture (the unresolved inner angst). So what to do? More on that in my next post. But at least now, you understand the set-up.

Want more information?
A very good free article on this subject is available by clicking here. Strongly recommended.
If you want more, a good book for you might be:

Leadership Assertiveness, the Inner Angst and the Inner Critic

Let’s pick up on the theme of the inner angst and how to use it to become more emotionally intelligent, how to gain self knowledge. Let's explore the set-up a little bit more before we map out solutions.

Most leaders are “assertive” personality types. In the Enneagram, one tool I use, there are nine types. Three of those are “assertive”--the Challenger, the Achiever and the Enthusiast. The majority of people in leadership positions are one of those three types.

The reason I bring this up is that assertive types avoid their vulnerability, such as exploring the inner angst, like the plague. In fact, if you found that I brought it up last week somewhat irritating, well, there you have it.

It can take some of the assertive types a while to acknowledge what they are feeling. They don’t won’t to appear weak to anyone. And their justifications are well-honed and tough to penetrate. “Looking at the inner angst is some booga-booga thing that weak people do. I haven’t the time for that. That’s impractical, and I am the practical.”

“None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free,” Goethe said. The same goes with these leaders who don’t want to deal with their inner angst. They see themselves as so strong, so productive, so successful, that they actually falsely believe they have overcome their vulnerability. After all, the results are there, right? Case closed.

There, in that false belief that they must be free of the inner angst because they are posting the results, they are hopelessly enslaved. 

Don’t get me wrong: a leader can accomplish incredible things while being driven by that inner angst. I did. When I was 30 to 40 I was pulling down promotion after promotion working for a Fortune 100. Drop me is a bad situation with nothing but a flint, a canteen and a knife and I’d turn it around. Just don’t ask me how I did it. There was success after success, but why was the satisfaction so fleeting?

I lived it: A leader can be wildly successful on the outside and become ever more hollow inside. And while the inner angst can unconsciously spur us to success, it is only when we actively engage with it that it can spur us past success to true significance.

By the way, as your positional power increases, the situation gets worse. The higher up you go, the more myoptic you become. You have more "power" due to your position, and you also become more likely to abuse your positional power. It's dangerous, and you need to understand that.

How do you begin to work with it? The short answer is that you begin eliminating all the ways you violate your self, and that will almost always involve working with your own inner critic.

More on this mid-week. First, we will deal with why your risk of abusing power due to that unresolved inner angst increases as your positional power does. Then, we will look at the inner critic...